MARRIAGE

A touching story...

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

Don't be a negative person.

They're horrible people to be around. They usually make you depressed or upset because their negativity rubs off on you, and often times its actually a cry for attention because of self-pity.

Don't be a negative person. It's not going to get you anywhere in life. You'll get trampled on, used, abused, and most likely will not achieve any of your inner most ambitions or desires.

Believe me, I know first-hand. I have been on both ends and it's not an experience I enjoy dealing with. I hate it when I'm negative because I know I'm being my own hurdle which I have to jump over. It's a difficult habit to break because being negative is the easy way out. It's the coward's way because I can run away if I feel I cannot do it. It makes me feel inferior, small and useless. Is that what you people like to feel?

What I've always wondered is why negative people don't see that they're the cause of their own depression. Sure, there some other factors like losing your job, girl/boy friend, a death in the family, your dog/cat ran away, but wake up and face reality. Those things happen to everyone and anyone. EVERY DAY. You're not that special so get over yourself. The world doesn't revolve around you, so wake up and smell the damn roses. No one is able to run your life except you. Self-pity and pessimism is an illness. The doctor (your friends and family) can only prescribe the medicine (give advice and comfort) but its up to you to take it, and fight that negativity to change it into something positive. Find the motivation to be better, do better, and live better for yourself.

Don't give me stupid and petty excuses about how you can't, how its impossible, how for "someone like you" its just not possible. I know its hard, even I have trouble taking my own advice so yes I am a hypocrite but I'm trying. It's really difficult to change my way of thinking from negative to positive but I've gained some self confidence. I'm a lot happier than I was before, I like living happy, don't you?

At the end of the day you're in charge of your happiness. If you don't want to be happy by dragging yourself out of your hole of self-pity and pessimism then that's fine. I will always be there to listen to a friend, but if you're going to give me the same bullshit every single time I talk to you, then you're not the kind of person I want to be friends with. Would YOU like to be friends with a person who is constantly going to pull you into their pity-party every time you talk to them?

I didn't think so.
I have nothing else to say.

Be happy. :) It's a beautiful day.

Cheers.

IN/OUT DOORS

Time for another rant-post.

I hate hate hate HATE it when I go to a supermarket, and people walk in and out of the IN & OUT doors, but don't follow the direction.

Why can't people just follow the sign? If the sign says IN , you go in that way. If it says OUT, you do NOT go IN that way unless you're going OUT of the flipping supermarket.

Get the message?

GTFO of my way when I'm walking out of the supermarket ... and USE THE RIGHT FLIPPING DOOR!

Alright, that's all for now :)

Happy Easter everyone!

Being NICE seems like a difficult task for the 21st century.

Here's the story.

I was rushing to get to my 9am studio class today after getting off the subway, and had to stop at the crosswalk because the light turned red. A woman in my peripheral vision seemed lost and couldn't find her way and asked a girl next to me if she could direct her to ________ Street. The girl gave her a "Oh EW, don't come near me look" and curtly told the woman "Sorry, I'm not from around here."

NO - I'M SORRY. This girl was obviously lying, you could see it in her tone and facial expression of disgust, PLUS SHE LOOKED LIKE A STUDENT. Ugh, what a B*TCH. That in itself disgusted me.

The woman turned to me after and asked me, practically begging.
So I told her, with my poor mental map and now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I pointed her in the right direction.

Why is it so hard to give someone directions? Is it that difficult to show that Torontonians possess a little courtesy ?

No wonder people think we're rude. WE ARE! Is this the reputation we've built for ourselves because we're too self-centered to care about anyone else? Are we really that far embedded in this ME-ME-ME mentality?

Think on that.
That's all I've got to say for today.

Hopefully I don't have a heart attack while I'm on my way home, because God knows, no one in Toronto will bother to take a second look and try to help me , or even call 911.

GOLD FOR CANADA. AGAIN .AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN .

Let's just say, I'm proud to be canadian and feeling pretty patriotic for a couple rare moments right now. Maybe it's the olympics, the ads, and all the hype in every type of media available to me , but even so - that hype is pretty catchy.

Supporting Canada in the Olympics, GO MEN'S HOCKEY. THE WOMEN DID IT (GOT GOLD) SO CAN YOU. USA IS GOING DOWNNNNN (no offense americans .. but really, it's our game this year ;D)

haha. Seriously though, it's going to be one extremely INTENSE game. Slovakia definitely didn't make it easy for us to get to the final game. Oh boy. We're readyyy, bring it on.

Alright, I'll probably post up another relationship-related post once I'm done my last midterm (school is so hectic right now, gosh) and done partying it up for my 19th birthday. Yay, I'm legal to drink and buy alcohol in Ontario now! Yay!

One last thing . . . Just in case you missed it before , GO CANADA GO ! hehe ;)

Nothing important to see here kids.

I'm kidding. I don't have anything really significant to talk about in this post at this point in time but I'll make another juicy post soon.. I hope! Haha.
I've been a cheery mood with the completion of my assignments, and all this Michael Buble music I've been putting on replay for awhile.

Hope everyone (who's in university) has a good, fun, (maybe) stress-free reading week and good luck on your midterms!

To everyone else, have a happy valentine's day - yes even you bitter single people bent on declaring war on the commercial holiday - and HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! YAY!

Chivalry may be dead, but Romance is eternal.

Hi again, I know I've been lacking in the updates department. I even broke that promise I made to try and post something new each week. Well that lasted a fair amount of time didn't it haha?

So the question of the day is , "Is romance dead?"
I was thinking as I was glancing (reading indepth-ly...haha.. not.. maybe) through my facebook news feed and watching A Walk to Remember and it occurred to me that highschool, teenage, and even adult-relationships many times are romance-less. What ever happened the romance in relationships?

My parents are not the perfect example of this, they're as platonic as can get ...but they love each other in their own quirky ways I guess.
Point is, what ever happened to romance? Media shows so many different versions, types, and scenarios of love but where's the flowers and poetry (no I'm not talking about those hip hop, rap, r&b lyrics we all quote, myself included). I mean the real deep stuff, you know what I'm talking about.. Shakespeare, Keats, Yeats, Shelley, and Byron?!

Personally, I'd probably melt into a puddle of unimaginable happiness if the boyfriend recited poetry to me over being wine-and-dined .. hint hint ? Kidding, sort of.

Really though, if you're not the flowers, chocolate and poetry kind-of-girl then hey, I'm not judging but the romance isn't just that stuff either. It's the real sentimental moments. The things he'll do for you "just because".
Romance isn't just for courting (or for those 16 and under - the "flirting" period before you date), but it's also a sign of love and affection for that significant other. Even after you're "official", your girlfriend/wife is still going to enjoy getting the surprise flower now and then. It's a nice reminder that you do care, that you do love them, and you do notice the little things.
If she's not the flower-type, you could also try something small that may be an inside-thing/joke between you two (I.e. Leave her little notes, like a post-it in a notebook she often uses so that next time she opens it, it'll add some sunshine to her day).

Ladies, guys' aren't going to react the same way towards signs of affection like this. However, if you want to do something similar, do it in a way he'll appreciate. Don't leave flowers in his car or his room .. that's a no-no. Don't rearrange his things for him, but you could try the post-it notes ideas, and leave it in obscure places.

Lesson of the day guys: Bring the romance back. Saying "I love you" or "I miss you" isn't always enough. The same goes for simply spending time together. Seeing is believing right? We believe you, but it's always nice to feel appreciated and wanted. Routine dates may be safe, but they can get boring right? That little extra-something adds the spark back into the routine of your dates together.

And girls, don't push it. A guy isn't always going to remember to do these things, but when he does, milk it for what it's worth. Appreciate it and don't ask for too much. Men have their limits to how much "woo-ing" they can do at a time.

2010 . Hi .

Seems like 2010 started off on a "good note" this year..
But then again, what does a "good note" really mean? Did something especially good happen to me at the start of 2010 ? Not really. No miracles occurred . I had a lovely time with the boyfriend on a trip out of town but I think what I'm trying to get at here is that the year started .. that's really it.
There was no "good" or "bad" way to start it off, except the fact that it happened. It's now become another page in your life story.

I have stumbled across another revelation today.

Ladies, have you ever wondered why we think women are such great listeners? Well, truthfully, we are great listeners .. so why do we constantly try to tell men our problems, expecting them to understand what kind of response we want from them? HA.

Ladies , we listen to each other because we are sympathizers. We are sympathetic towards other females and their problems because often enough, we encounter the same issues, we feel the same emotions and all understand that when we're pouring out our problems on the table, we're not looking for solutions - we're not looking to merely talk for the sake of talking (or else we'd simply talk to our stuffed animals instead of people).
We tell each other our problems because we know that our friends will care. Maybe they don't fully understand, but they do care. Because that's what friends do. They care about each other and the problems they encounter because we empathize and share those feelings. There's so many ways to express our empathy: coos, sighs, hugs, friendly pats, sympathetic looks, agreement, cussing, etc.

Obviously men don't understand this. They're not women after all. They don't understand and often forget that women tell them things because they want that sympathy. They don't always want excuses, solutions or alternatives to their problems. And if the problem is of none of their concern, or does not directly affect them, they claim that it is none of their business or they simply do not care.

If you had a stressful issue on your mind and your significant other, friend, or family member told you that they simply DO NOT CARE, how would that make you feel?
What kind of friend tells you they don't care about what you're going through?
Rhetorical question.

Use your noodle Guys. If you don't care about what your friend or girlfriend is telling you, then don't tell her after she tells you her problems. Maybe cutting off others at the knees is how men do it, but you don't ever tell a girl that you don't care. Even if what she's telling you is completely useless.
However, if she's an airhead . . . well then, you're clearly not a good judge of character.

Oh and ladies, if you realize that a lot of things you try to tell your friends, or boyfriends isn't getting through to them because they simply don't care . . . then now you know who NOT to tell.