Why do men so frequently forget that women do not function the same way men do?
You'd think they get it after noticing our anatomy's different and the obvious tell-tale sign that we will always need the toilet seat down. But no, we both - yes women, us too - forget that we function in different ways.
So, why do I bring this up? Let me tell you a story to illustrate my point...
It begins with our couple... for now, I'll substitute their real names and go with Mick Torre, and Valerie-Anne. So Mick and Val went to the mall one day after eating brunch, went in to browse for some illegal bootleg DVDs (being the nefarious rebels that they are), and finding none to their liking, they continued to walk around the mall. They stopped by store which happened to catch Mick's interest and he went in to purchase one of their products. The store was a bit crowded so Val decided to hang around the hallway and browse in the neighbouring store. When Mick finished paying, they continued on with their window-shopping. As Val made a suggestion to look inside a store, Mick refused. Val felt put-off. As the couple walked further along, Mick sensed the change in Val' s attitude and asked her what was wrong. She replied, "We never go shopping or to the mall, and when we do, we only ever browse in stores that only interest you - but we never browse in stores that I want to go into."
Ah... now we get to the juicy part - Mick starts to see that he wasn't being entirely fair to his girlfriend's wishes and tries to correct the situation by walking around the mall some more with Val and asking her if she'd like to go into any stores that he thinks she'd be interested in browsing. Obviously, she's already been put off and does not feel encouraged by the proposition anymore, but I'll explain why this is obvious later. As they walk into each store and browse through the things he thinks she wanted to see, Mick feels that he's resolved the misunderstanding and all's well and done. Of course, by the time the couple walk out of the mall, Mick's feeling pretty sure of himself of doing a job well-done as the boyfriend, and Val's still feeling disappointed and "put-off". Note boys, that I did not say upset, or angry or pissed off - I only said "put-off" okay? It may not mean the same as the other words to you boys, but it has a different meaning for us girls.
Now, getting to the point. Why did I use the words "obviously" and "of course" in the story? Simple, it was obvious to us women who understand each other but OBVIOUSLY not to the men. So let me clear the air for you guys.
Even after a girl tells you what the problem is, even after you think you've solved the problem, she's still not going to feel content. Why? Because in this specific case, you didn't want the same thing she wanted. It's understandable in a man's point of view, but for women it's unforgivable - especially if it reoccurs regularly. When a man asks a woman to do something for/with him, its not because she likes it (especially when she doesn't like it that much), but because she wants to share the joy he gets out of whatever the activity is. She wants to be in that moment with him and does it because its what he wanted. Notice, she WANTED to do it. She's not going to do it if she doesn't think its worth her time and effort.
Now with those macho guys we know (or even those who think they're macho), well, let's face the facts. You don't want to do the stuff girls like to do. But you'll do it for her if she wants you to right? So what makes you think, that just because she doesn't say it out loud "I want ...." that it isn't what she wants? Most of the time, a woman is not going to be straight forward and say things directly. That's just how women behave. Although you may not like it, it would mean a lot if you'd do things for us, and want to do them with us. If we know you hate it, we would never force you do it, and that is why we will never ever ask you directly - because deep down, we're afraid you're going to shut us down like Mick did to Val when she wanted to stop by that shop to browse with him. The fact that he made the effort to cheer her up and make up for rejecting her suggestion is better than no effort at all, but that doesn't fully fix things. If you want to fix the problem, you have to want to do something and do it before she gets the nerve to ask and you carelessly reject. Why should you have to make this effort to be one step ahead? Because she's never going to ask you again.
To sum it up: Guys, next time, if she wants to do something and it's not going kill you to take the time to oblige her, then just suck it up and go through with it.
I.e. Walking and browsing about 2 minutes in and out of a store is not going to kill you.
If you're going to look like someone tied a noose around your neck then don't bother and make up some other clever excuse to get out of the mall.
Happy holidays! :)
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